Part 1 "Tears Of Joy & Heartbreak"

My name is Emily
And it was sometime around August or something like that.
I wasn’t over Alex, the boy that I was pretty serious
About. It was a typical teenager girly story. I was
About 15, new school, falling head over heals
For a boy. But he doesn’t matter anymore.
What matters is that I met another boy
Charlie was his name. I could sense
Something different in him.
It was really nice.

But in the mean time I had known of another boy, and his name was Eli. I’ve known Eli since I was in
4th grade I believe. I never really talked to him though, not until 8th grade where we were forced to sit next
to each other. We fought like an old married couple to think of it. It was in June when he had got in contact with me, I haven’t talked to him in a year at the time. We exchanged pictures to see if we looked different. He said I had looked different and he grew a bit, he was always a short kid. It took a week or two before he told me that he liked me all those years I knew him. Eventually, I came to a point where I liked him as well, and I was dying in the inside to know if he had given up any feelings for me.

Through long consideration, I really wanted to tell him. I was just nervous about it because of my past with Alex. He was the first boy that I told him that I liked…so I was kind of scarred if you will. I built up the courage to try again.

"Eli? You there?", I typed on my computer.

"Hello Emily!", he typed back.

"Hey, there was something I've been meaning to ask you..." I was so nervous, my hands were shaking.

"Well go on an ask it Em."

"Well...you see...I've been wondering about what you said to me a week ago. You know, how you liked me all those years? It's been dwelling on my mind for awhile, and I was just wondering, do you still feel that way?" Of course when I press enter into the computer, I feel as if why did I just do that!

"Ehh, actually. Yes I do Em. I still do feel that way, very much so actually"

"REALLY."I typed quickly

"Uuh, I mean, wow to think that feelings could last that long huh? Well I feel the same way Eli, and I just thought I should let you know." I was so happy with everything at that moment.

"I'm actually really glad you told me that Em, it means a lot to me.", he said.

"Hehe, no problem (:"

It was successful, he had liked me, and I had liked him back. My dream was coming true, and I was loving every second of it. But loving every second of it didn’t last very long. It was like we grew apart very quickly, and I wasn’t okay with it. Nothing ever happened, there wasn’t even an attempt made.

School started, off to my Sophomore year.
Hopefully it isn’t as depressing as last year.
Oh yeah, Charlie, I didn’t forget about that
one. He kept me sane while Eli and I didn’t
work out. I started to become very fond of
Charlie. He seemed to be popping everywhere
in my life. But I wasn’t having a problem with
that or anything , I liked it. We started to talk
every night. One night, even I thought it was
impossible because he had a girlfriend, we
made an agreement that if any of us liked
each other than we would tell each other.
I bet you could tell from that, that I had some
sort of feeling for Charlie.

I’m at a friends party now, and so is Charlie. We we’re having a blast, just being ourselves. But I was nervous.
Do I really have feelings for him?
Is it a mistake? I don’t wanna be brought down again…
It was cake time, he put frosting on my nose.
It was a slow song, awkward.
We just stood next to each other during it too.
It was another slow song, I broke down.
Yes dramatic me, somehow something in my brain
got picked at with a toothpick.
Something made me think of Alex and Eli.
What was going on? I thought they didn’t matter.
I guess I just don’t know how to let go.
But Charlie saw me, and followed me off the dance floor.

"You okay Emily?", he said softly.
"No, I'm not." My voice was so shaky.

He held me close, rubbed my back lightly, and talked to me about it.
Right then was a spark, I’m sure of it.
Yes, a spark.
A spark of hope possibly.
Maybe?
I was dying to know.

March 17th

March 13th
I was right beside you.
March 13th
You were in my sight.

March 14th
You went away,
But it was only thought of for a couple of days.
March 14th,
I barely said goodbye.

March 15th,
I didn't hear from you.
But I knew you were in touch with Mom.
I knew you were fine.

March 16th,
We drove to the hospital.
March 16th,
I was in tears.
When I left I kissed you on the forehead so gently.

March 17th,
I was in school.
Trying to escape the thoughts of you.
March 17th,
I regret everything I did.
March 17th,
You went away...far far away..
And I didn't even say goodbye...†



I love you and miss you Grandma Emma. I hope you are having a wonderful life in Heaven. †3.17.09†

Disappearing

Whatever happened to promises?
What's the point of them existing,
If they will become broken.

Whatever happened to trust?
It seemed to fade away,
Just like your personality.

Whatever happened to your laughter?
I can't hear it anymore.
But your frown screams at me.

Whatever happened to your free spirit?
You seem so uptight,
Paranoid too.

What's happening?
You seem so blue,
What's going on with you?
Whatever happened to never slipping away?
Please don't go..

My Heart

This is my heart.
It's not perfect.
It's been broken,
Then glued back together.

It's been strangled
It's been bruised.
Also easily used.

It's not very durable,
easily broken.
It's very intricate,
Really complex.

It's passive, not aggressive.
It pictures the fairy tale's
You know the one's with the white horse & prince?

Being the damsel in distress,
having the one you dream about rescue you?
This is my heart,
It wakes me up in the middle of the night,
To only realize, that I can't be with you.